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Rather than talking to him about our feelings like the two adults we technically were, I dropped the subject and let my resentment toward him grow. When we hit a rough patch in our relationship, I didn't know how to deal with it without seeming clingy or needy, so I wound up playing games. I texted him way less often than I used to, and I played hard to get when he did invite me out. I thought I was going to get my point across, but he eventually stopped answering my texts at all. When I finally confronted him about ghosting me, he accused me of ghosting him. That was not my goal at all!
Situations involving humor and sarcasm usually were the culprits, because that smile, chuckle, or wry tone of voice were missing. I thought being chill would get him to finally like me back, but it just pushed him away for good, and wound up hurting him in the process.
But it became so stressful. In hindsight, the entire stupid situation could've been avoided if we had just communicated honestly and been a little vulnerable with each other.
You would think that the lack of ftf cues and the buzzing confusion of TextTalk would result in many misunderstandings. The excerpt that follows is an interesting example of how the chiill of ftf cues can make it difficult to tell whether someone is intending humor or irony, and when they are being honest or sly.
Ho in one last year: We were together constantly, and were texting and snapping whenever we weren't, kissed and held hands in front of each others' friends, and basically did all of the 'relationship-y' things. To help you out a little bit, I've edited the other log excerpts that appear in this article. Without face-to-face visual cues, it's difficult to tell.
I texted him way less often than I wit to, and I played hard to get when he did invite me out.
I had just gone through a horrible breakup, so when I met my now-boyfriend, we agreed it was just 'chill. Hut now we are and have been for two years and just moved in together. Mostly, I've eliminated strings of conversation that aren't relevant to the point that I'm discussing in each of the sections that follow.
The use of the winky ; and smiley : are sometimes used to indicate irony or sarcasm, but in this excerpt the situation is perfectly ambiguous. If five different conversations are scrolling before your eyes, it would seem easy to lose track of what was said. While online, the lag created by people typing and by thousands of miles of busy internet wires forces the conversation into a slower pace.
That was not my goal at all! Of course, some chat users may like to play games with the potential ambiguity of TextTalk.
And if you can't hear people's voices, or see their faces, witb easily might misinterpret what they mean, wouldn't you? But these misunderstandings were always cleared up quickly. I thought I was going to get my point across, but he eventually stopped answering my wsnt at all. Rather than talking to him about our feelings like the two adults we technically were, I dropped the subject and let my resentment toward him grow.
Then, we continued to talk casually all summer and, when we got back to school, started hooking up with other people and also each other. The illusive use of the smileys add to this ambiguity. BillyBob: MrBig doesn't hang out in disguise And while we're still on good terms and I have no hard feelings, I would never get myself into a situation like that ever again, especially since I do want a serious and committed relationship.
Sometimes, you can turn a situationship around Shutterstock This is how I ended soomeone with my boyfriend!
In part, this is due to the fact that during a post-hoc reading of a log, you read at the pace you usually read any written material - which is QUICKLY, but much too quickly to absorb TextTalk. Sure, there were moments when someone wasn't exactly sure what someone else meant.
Situationships are messy. My editing is doing the job of those filters that operate automatically almost unconsciously while online. In my opinion, if such a situation were to occur: stay friends with benefits before emotional attachment occurs, get into a real relationship if you know feelings are mutual, and cut ties otherwise.
We had to have a lot of sit-down talks and it took a while to get to the point of hardcore dating. When we hit a rough patch in our relationship, I didn't know how to deal with it without seeming clingy or needy, so I wound up playing games.
What'dya Mean? For example, without tone of voice, how do you know someone is being sarcastic?
The ti also illustrates how people play with the ambiguity of identity in chat environments. When I finally confronted him about ghosting me, he accused me of ghosting him. And so you sit back, read, wait, scan backwards and forwards in the dialogue something you can't do in ftf conversationand think wsnt what to say next. Asterisks indicate a private communication whispering to and from BillyBob: Nuclear: matt: are you MrBig in disguise?
You never have inner peace — either commit and be exclusive, or be open and keep it casual. Symmetry: i think it is interesting We met in London when I was studying abroad and at the time, I was still 'talking to' someone back in the USA who I had been hooking up with.
Only issue was he wasn't willing to commit, but grew extremely jealous and questioning xomeone I would talk to other guys. After searching through my many megabytes of saved logs, I found no juicy examples of people being confused or misunderstanding what other people were saying. A quick explanation accompanied by a simple smiley : or winky ; efficiently resolves the confusion.
We were constantly mad when the other spent time with sant else or slept with someone else, and our beautiful, casual relationship became a messy, jealous problem. Are they at times being truthful? What's fascinating about TextTalk is that people mostly DO understand what others mean, despite the lack of visual and auditory cues.
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